In my last post, I talked about my grandma, who passed away last week, and how I felt unloved by her much of the time. Well, my parents, sister and I made the trip over the weekend to her funeral. We arrived at the viewing after the rest of the family. No one was there but us.
This was a good thing for my dad who wanted to just be able to morn the loss of his mother in quiet peace. And it was also good for me, I soon realized.
At first, I felt no emotion and, honestly, I didn’t expect to. I loved my grandma, but I didn’t have much of a relationship with her. But right before we were to leave I decided to have a few minutes alone with her.
It was then, when it was just me in there with my grandmother’s lifeless form, I began to weep. It took me several minutes to compose myself. It was then that I realized I needed to verbalized my feelings and forgive.
It never occurred to me that I may be holding some unforgiveness in my heart towards her. I do not dwell on the past and I never felt any animosity towards my grandma. Yet, standing there in that room, I felt a lot of hurt and regret.
I wish she would have wanted to get to know me. I wish she would have tried to understand me. I wish she would have treated me like a granddaughter.
I voiced these feelings out loud and I spoke the words, “I forgive you.” I stroked her hair and then I bent down and kissed her forehead.
When I walked out of the room, I felt a cleansing peace envelope me. I felt the sweet strength of my Heavenly Father. It felt good.
I know my grandma did not hear me speaking to her. And I know she never showed remorse or asked for forgiveness from me before she died. But my simple act was not for her benefit. It was for my own.
I needed to release the hurt I had been carrying. I needed to forgive so I could be healed.
It is said that unforgiveness is like a poison that we swallow hoping the other person will die. It is so true. It will slowly kill us, yet the other person is never affected by it. In fact, if they are a malicious person, they may even enjoy our suffering.
That is why we must forgive! We must not give people power over us by holding grudges against them. Our lives are too precious to waste on bitterness and hate…